Dirty Christmas Carols to Liven Up Your Playlist

Updated June 1, 2021
Friends Having a Christmas Party and Singing At Piano

People have been subverting social conventions with popular music for centuries, with artists taking conventional lyrics and adding subliminal messaging or using double entendres to transform their pieces into songs that are dirtier than what you might think upon your first listen. Surprisingly, there's a small, but loud, group of holiday songs focused on making the naughty list each year. If you're feeling daring enough to risk ending up on the naughty list yourself, take a look at these notorious tunes that'll send you rockin' around the Christmas tree all month long.

Dirty Christmas Carols to Enjoy All Winter Long

Contrary to the bucolic visions that arise during the white and wintry holiday season, rude, crude, and lewd carols are commonly available today. During the winter months, you can find new releases of comedic parody albums and pop songs featuring inspired bops full of suggestive holiday cheer. Keep in mind that these songs range from mildly suggestive to extremely explicit, meaning that ears of all dispositions can enjoy a taboo song or two. While you can find a lot of indie tracks on the internet of people's self-made dirty Christmas carols, here are some of the most popular songs from the past couple of decades that've rocked the radio waves near you.

  • Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin' by Albert King
  • Merry Muthaf--kin' Xmas by Eazy-E
  • I'll Be Your Santa, Baby by Rufus Thomas
  • All I Want for Christmas Is Nudes by Trixie Mattel
  • I've Got Some Presents For Santa by Sarah Taylor & Billy Mumy
  • Backdoor Santa by Clarence Carter
  • Christmas Card From a Hooker In Minneapolis by Tom Waits
  • Mistress For Christmas by AC/DC
  • I Won't Decorate Your Christmas Tree This Year by Loretta Lynn
  • Christmas Tree by Lady Gaga ft. Space Cowboy
  • Wit It This Christmas by Ariana Grande
  • Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass by All Time Low
  • Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt
  • Twas the Night Before Christmas by Snoop Dogg ft. Nate Dogg

Santacon Dirty Carol Book

The Santacon Carol Book is produced by members of the Santarchy & Santacon tribes, which arose out of a mischievous group, The Cacophony Society. This carol book contains about 20 different unique Christmas carols whose lyrics have been transformed into dirty ditties about taking drugs, partying, and being altogether reckless. If you're ready to get down a different way this 'night before Christmas', then you can download the group's 2012 songbook which contains holiday hits like:

  • Cannabis Is Coming to Town
  • Wheezy the Snowman
  • Rudy the Red Nosed Raver

Get Ready to Get Down on Christmas Eve

Not everyone wants to muddy their Christmas spirit with the more explicit side of life, but for many people, they don't want to pass up the chance to poke fun at the stuffy and antiquated Christmas traditions of yesteryear. For people with those inclinations, dirty Christmas carols like these are a perfect way to both enjoy the holiday spirit and rebel against it. Just be careful not to play these songs too loudly while you're driving around to see your town's Christmas lights show - you just might wake up with more than coal under your tree if you do.

Dirty Christmas Carols to Liven Up Your Playlist