How to Get Over a Married Man: Let Go and Heal

Updated July 30, 2020
Thoughtful woman looking out window

It can be really difficult to end a relationship with a married man. Although it can take some time, healing is possible.

How to Get Over a Married Man

If you've decided to end a relationship with a married man, you may be feeling a slew of different and possibly uncomfortable emotions. Breakups are hard and take time to work through. Whether you decide to maintain a friendship or not, it's best to give yourself some space from this person so you have a chance to process how you feel and begin to heal. Keep in mind that the emotional intensity that most people feel after a breakup tends to come in a bell curve pattern, meaning your emotions increase in intensity and then will peak and begin to decrease.

How Do I Stop Loving a Married Man?

While you can't turn your love for this person off like a switch, there are ways you can decrease the pain you are experiencing. Give yourself a break from any visual (photos, social media, etc.) and in-person contact. Once you've decided to cut ties, any slight reminders can trigger intense pain, similar to those associated with a drug withdrawal. Giving yourself a break and fully disconnecting may be painful, but seeking out any connection to him at this time may prolong the healing process for you and increase your pain, especially if you're doing it over and over.

How to Get Over a Married Man Fast

Unfortunately, you can't speed up the healing process and everyone will take their own unique amount of time to process the end of a relationship. However, you can:

  • Acknowledge your emotional process and allow yourself to feel- not doing so may prolong the healing process and your emotions may show up in other unhealthy, as well as displaced ways.
  • Prioritize taking care of yourself and focusing on your needs.
  • Spend time with or reach out to trusted friends and loved ones so you feel connected and supported.
  • Love naturally increases the feel-good hormone oxytocin and when a breakup occurs, your oxytocin levels can decrease. Spend time boosting your oxytocin levels by volunteering, spending time with animals, getting a massage, or trying yoga.

How Do You Get a Married Man to Leave You Alone?

worried woman blocking contact on cell phone

If a married man is constantly trying to connect with you, or is reaching out to you post-breakup, you can:

  • Block his number, block him from seeing you on social media, and unfollow him on your social media.
  • Let him know that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship and you kindly ask that he stop contacting you moving forward.
  • If he begins to cross the line and you are feeling uncomfortable, be sure to document every time he contacts you, save his texts, phone calls, and emails, and reach out to the police to file a report and/or get a restraining order.
  • If he begins stalking you, aside from documentation and getting a restraining order, be sure to change up your routine, always let someone know your location for safety reasons, and notify your loved ones, as well as place of work of the situation so they can look out for you. You may also consider staying with a friend, changing your phone number, and moving if possible.

How to Get Over a Married Man You Love

A huge part of healing is addressing how you feel and understanding why you were drawn to a romantic relationship where you were unable to get all of your needs met. Even if the person you were seeing was amazing, he was still unable to fully give himself to you because of his marital status. Even though it can be difficult to confront, it's crucial to examine why you were attracted to this type of person. Think about:

  • Past relationships you've been in and if you were drawn to partially or fully unavailable people before
  • What your examples of relationships looked like growing up
  • If you had exposure to healthy, loving relationships growing up
  • If you experienced chaotic, unavailable relationships in your childhood and/or throughout adulthood

It is very common and completely normal to unconsciously seek out partners that embody childhood relationship patterns that you've experienced. The best way to recover from being drawn to these types of unhealthy relationships is to work through the original memories that set this pattern in motion. This way you can work towards finding healthy, loving relationships where you can get all of your needs met.

Releasing Your Emotions Through Activities

Even though it can feel scary to address the emotional rollercoaster you may be experiencing, doing so can help you recover from the breakup. Find some healthy ways to heal like journaling, talking to trusted loved ones, doing yoga, and utilizing some creative outlets.

Finding a Counselor

If you are experiencing uncomfortable symptoms that feel unbearable, or are not dissipating in intensity, it may be a good idea to speak with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate this difficult moment. Symptoms may include difficulty sleeping, change in appetite, and mood swings. If you are having suicidal thoughts, tell someone immediately. You can anonymously call a crisis line, or 9-11 for immediate assistance.

Joining a Support Group

Breakup support groups come in many flavors. This means you can find one in your area that specializes in working through breakups with a married partner. This can help you meet others who have gone through a similar experience and may better understand your point of view. These groups are also run by professional counselors who can offer support, guidance, and psycho-education.

Counselor comforts patient during support group

Use an App

There are great apps available now that can help you each step of the way through your breakup. You can pick something that focuses on helping you stay calm, embracing mindfulness, or moving through your breakup. Using an app is an inexpensive way to help you stay on track for processing how you feel and connecting to your body, even though it can feel tempting to numb yourself out.

Spend Some Time Alone

Figure out what you want and need out of a relationship. Take what you've learned through this process and use it to inform your future dating experiences. Think about what it would mean to put yourself first and find a partner who wholeheartedly loves you, respects you, and prioritizes your needs.

Practice Self Care

Your body may physically feel achy after a breakup. It may feel good to take a warm bath or shower, get a massage, or get acupuncture. Give yourself time to rest as your emotional processing can take a toll on your body and be sure to prioritize getting high quality sleep.

How to Survive a Breakup With a Married Man

The breakup fallout you experience can become a bit more complicated if you know his partner. On top of healing post-breakup, it's critical to think about how you're going to move forward with their spouse.

With a Coworker

If you had a relationship with a married coworker, it's important to discuss how you'd like to handle the breakup and your interactions moving forward. Be sure to discuss:

  • If/when they are going to tell their spouse
  • How you will handle in-office interactions
  • How you will handle office events and parties where his partner will be present

With a Friend's Partner

If you broke up with a friend's partner, you may not feel sure about how to handle your relationship with your friend. Be sure to think about:

  • When and how you will discuss your relationship with their spouse.
  • How your friend will react and how you can best prepare for it.
  • Your friend may decide to cut ties with you or may want to discuss what happened more with you- either way, allow them to take the lead and be respectful of their reaction.
  • Know that your friend may lash out at you- remain calm and allow them to process. If it gets out of hand, remove yourself from the situation.

With a Family Member's Partner

If you are going through a breakup with a family member's husband:

  • Know that your family may reach out to you and have a reaction to the situation- remain calm, acknowledge their opinion and remove yourself from the situation if you feel emotionally unsafe.
  • Keep in mind that you may or may not be invited to certain family events moving forward.
  • You may feel awkward or uncomfortable at family events if your ex-partner and his spouse are present.
  • It may take a really long time for certain family members to re-initiate contact with you.

How Do You Tell if a Married Man Loved You?

If you are unsure if a married man had genuine feelings of love for you, it's probably your gut telling you he didn't. While that can be difficult to grapple with, you can never really know what someone's genuine feelings are unless they share them with you and they have a history of being honest, trustworthy, respectful, and non-manipulative.

Take Your Time Healing

Although it can feel gut wrenching to move through this process, know that healing is possible. Spend as much time as you need understanding your emotions and be kind to yourself throughout this difficult moment.

How to Get Over a Married Man: Let Go and Heal