How to Start a Conversation With a Girl Naturally

Published February 3, 2021
man and woman having beers

Knowing how to start a conversation with a girl can give you a chance to see if you have chemistry and can enjoy one another's company. Forming a connection is not about pick-up lines or clever jokes; instead, it's about making her feel special and building off of the things you have in common. You can do this over text, online, and in person, once you understand the basics.

Three Main Topics for Starting a Conversation With a Girl

Although it may seem like there are lots of topics you could bring up, almost any opening line will fall into one of three categories. Understanding these categories and when to use them will help you be successful when you try to talk to her:

  • Her - Most people love talking about themselves, but it can be difficult to bring this up right away.
  • Yourself - While it may be tempting, talking about yourself doesn't encourage her to continue the conversation.
  • Everything around you - You share your environment, which includes the people around you, the foods and drinks you're consuming, the location, the weather, and many other things. This is the safest topic to bring up when you want to start a conversation.

How to Start a Conversation With a Girl in Person

It's not easy to walk up to a girl and just start talking, but if you know how to start a conversation, it does become easier. Even though it may seem intimidating, in-person conversations are actually some of the simplest to start. That's because you're both in the same environment. You're sharing many of the same surroundings, so you have a lot of things you can use to get the conversational ball rolling. Here's how to do it.

1. Use Your Senses

What are you seeing, feeling, hearing, and tasting? Chances are, if you're standing or sitting near one another, she's experiencing something similar. You can use these environmental experiences as conversation starters. Take some time to look around you and notice what you're experiencing. It might be things like this:

  • The food at a party
  • The music at a club
  • An experience, like a show or movie, that you both shared
  • Something beautiful in nature
  • Unusual weather
  • Someone you both know, such as the hostess at a party
Two friends talking and laughing

2. Think of Something Positive About What You're Experiencing

In general, it's better to start a conversation with something positive instead of a negative observation. Instead of commenting on the bad food at the party, talk about the beautiful view of the city. You should also make it personal to her if you can, since this will help draw her into the conversation. This is very situation-dependant, but here are a few examples you might try:

  • How you're wondering she's visited a restaurant that serves similar food
  • Whether she liked the movie you've both seen
  • If she's heard this band before
  • Whether she likes thunderstorms like this one
  • How she knows the host of the party

3. Phrase Your Conversation-Starter as a Question

A statement might get her attention, but it won't help you start a conversation with a girl. If you phrase your opening line as a question, you're inviting her to continue talking. Here are some examples of how you can phrase your conversation starter:

  • I love this rainbow roll so much! What do you think is the best place for sushi in the city?
  • I see you have an MSU t-shirt on. Did you go to State, or are you just a fan?
  • Ella's place is awesome, isn't it? How do you know her?
  • What did you think of the movie?

4. Have Some More Questions Ready

Once you know how to start a conversation with a girl, you need to be ready for the next step. Have some getting-to-know-you questions ready to ask as a follow-up, as well as some other observations or questions you could use that relate to the topic you're bringing up. The very best way to avoid an awkward silence is by listening very carefully to what she says and formulating questions based on that.

Young People Toasting Happily

How to Start a Conversation With a Girl Online

Although the context is very different from in-person conversations, starting a conversation online is easier in some ways. You have fewer shared experiences, but the ones you do have are easier to reference. You can also make the conversation about her, since there are things she may share online that would prompt a good conversation. Here's how.

1. Notice What She Has Shared

When you want to start a conversation with a girl on Instagram, Snapchat, or another social media platform, take some time to look at what she has shared about her life online. Does she have pictures of her cat? Did she go to a movie you really loved? Think about the things she has shared that also relate to your life. This will be very specific to the two of you, but here are some ideas:

  • Volunteering for a cause you both care about
  • Enjoying an experience you have also had
  • Sharing a pet, hobby, or other common interest
  • Sharing a meme or story you think is funny

2. Form a Connection By Asking the Right Question

Next, just like with an in-person conversation, you need to find a way to ask a question that will spark a back-and-forth exchange. Try to think of questions that aren't quick to answer. Avoid "yes" or "no" questions, and opt instead for more open-ended conversation starters like these:

  • I saw you volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. I do too! Which projects have you been involved with?
  • Did you like the new Wonder Woman movie? I saw it too. How did you think it compared to the first one?
  • I love your new fountain pen! Why did you choose it?

3. Keep the Conversation Going

Before you send her that chat or direct message, brainstorm a few ways to keep the conversation going. One great idea is to offer her a genuine compliment. However, stay away from physical attributes and stick to things she has done or is doing or qualities you've seen her express. If she's been kind to someone, notice that. If she's done something amazing, compliment her on that.

Starting a Conversation With a Girl Over Text

If you have a girl's phone number, you're already part way there. Knowing how to start a conversation with her over text is about three steps:

  1. Use a conversation-starter for texting that will get her attention and prompt her to want to know more about you.
  2. Then keep the text conversation going with great questions and topics you can share.
  3. Finally, use deeper questions to get to know her better over text. These allow you to take the conversation to the next level.

Watch for Cues as You Talk

Part of starting a conversation involves watching her reaction. Is she making eye contact, leaning forward, and appearing interested? If so, you're on the right track. There are actually many ways to tell if a girl is interested in you. Brush up on these so you can read her signals as you talk together.

How to Start a Conversation With a Girl Naturally