Pros and Cons of an Affair With a Married Man

Updated January 26, 2019
Love Affair with a Married Man

Are you considering having a love affair with a married man? Before you do something you may regret, consider the potential pros and cons of having an affair.

Love Affair With a Married Man: The Good

Regardless of your feelings about affairs, the fact is there may be some benefits to cheating.


The most common reason people have an affair is for sex. Sometimes the affair is only about sex while other times an emotional cheating relationship becomes physical. The married man may fulfill you in ways other men have not. He may also be more adventurous than your spouse or other men you have dated. Whatever the situation is, you are likely to have some great sex with a married man, even if most of the excitement comes from the possibility of being caught.


One of the most exciting times in a relationship is at the beginning. Getting to know someone new and trying new activities together is a lot of fun. A long-term relationship may feel boring and stale in comparison. Even if you or your married lover has no plans of getting a divorce, the excitement of a new relationship may prove too hard to resist.

Emotional Fulfillment

Sometimes what causes a married man to have an affair is a need for emotional fulfillment. He may have grown apart from his wife over the years and wants to find someone who understands him. If he also understands you as well, the satisfaction this brings will often be more fulfilling than sex.

Avoid Divorce

Some people think divorce is worse than having an affair. If you agree with that statement, then an affair could be seen as a way of saving a marriage.

No Commitment Required

If you want the benefits of the company of a man, yet have no interest in being in a real, committed relationship, a married man can provide the occasional attention you crave. You probably won't have to deal with things that you would in a traditional relationship: nursing him back to health when he's ill, quarreling about how you spend money or answering to him about your whereabouts.

Plenty of Drama

If you thrive off drama and having tales of woe to share with others so they feel sorry for you, an affair with a married man might be just the drama you need. An affair with someone who can't give you full attention is dicey enough to make your life complicated.

The Downsides of Having an Affair

While there are several positive elements of having a love affair with a married man, the downsides are many and potentially devastating.

Getting Caught

The married man is putting his marriage at risk having an affair with you, and you risk the same if you are also married. You may not care about being caught, but your feelings may change if your spouse finds out and files for divorce. Sometimes people don't realize what they have until they lose it.

A Reputation Damaged

Being caught involves more risks than just divorce. It can also ruin your career or your reputation. Even if you are single, you'll still be labeled as "the other woman" which can carry as much if not more negative stigmatism as the adulterous husband. You could lose friends and family support and your reputation in the community could be ruined as well.

He May Not Leave His Wife

man holding his wedding ring

Sometimes the hope of having a love affair is that he will leave his wife and marry you. This does happen in some cases. However, the majority of the time, the married man only wants to have an affair. Even if he says he loves you and plans to leave his wife, nothing is certain as long as he is still married.

Fantasy Is Not Reality

Affairs often have a fantasy feel about them. The problem comes when you expect the fantasy to continue. Even if he does leave his wife and eventually enters into a committed relationship with you, the nagging feeling that he's a proven cheater may weigh on you heavily.

Not Ultimately Fulfilling

If you are single and having a relationship with a married man, it will not be as fulfilling as dating a single guy. The relationship has to be secret; you can't have your parents meet him, and he will be in the arms and bed of another woman. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

Absence of Support

He won't be able to drop everything to come help you if you need assistance since he's trying to keep you a secret from his spouse. You will probably always come second in his priorities - this can wreak havoc with your own self-esteem.

Lessons Learned

It's not uncommon for single people to become attracted to married men. This might reveal a number of things about the individual; do they fear commitment? Do they consider "stealing" a man to be exhilarating? Or perhaps the thrill of being wanted by someone who isn't supposed to desire another person beyond their spouse is appealing. It's easy to assume the worst about the man willing to pursue an affair, but what is to be said about the other willing participant? Anyone willing to get involved with a married man should take a close look at their motives and what compels them into such a situation.

Breaking a Vow

Before you have an affair with a married man, remember the fundamental fact that at one time he made a vow to forsake all others for his spouse. If he's willing to break a vow like that, how trustworthy will he be in looking out for your needs in the relationship?

Pros and Cons of an Affair With a Married Man