Best One Line Jokes

Updated May 8, 2018
More Short Jokes

One-line jokes are usually a play on words that involves twisting language with humorous results. The best one-line jokes are puns, sarcasm, and truisms that catch you off guard, offer a quick laugh, and allow you to see the humor in the everyday happenings of life. Of course, any list of best one-liners will be subjective, but those below will make you chuckle and brighten your day.

1. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!

This is one of the best because who hasn't flown somewhere only to arrive at their destination and find their luggage missing? Oh, if only it were as easy as saying, "Beam it down, Scotty!"

2. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Sure, sometimes your GPS is wrong, but most often it's not. Individuals will argue with their GPS, win, and end up asking it for directions again. What makes this one so funny is that everyone at one time or another thinks they know better than AI.


3. When I met my wife, I could have just eaten her up; now I wish I had.

Any marriage can be prickly at times. This one-liner humorously expresses the aggravation everyone, from time to time, feels about their mate.

4. I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful.

How many ways can you say the same thing? Anyone who's ever been at a loss for words and wondering if there's another word they could use that would express some sentiment will get a chuckle at this one-liner. It's definitely a joke to tell friends if you're in an English class or struggling with creative writing.

5. You're not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example.

This one-liner is great because it makes you laugh as you understand that everyone has a purpose, even if that purpose is only to serve as a bad example of what to do or not do.


6. Parenthood is feeding the mouth that bites you.

All parents will laugh at this witty one-liner because it reminds them of the perils of raising a child.

7. My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I came back drunk.

This is a one of the best because it humorously expresses a truism; when you drink, everyone around you becomes more attractive, and a few drinks can also turn you into a vision of awesomeness.

8. A woman cannot survive on wine alone; she also needs a dog.

A woman, wine, and a dog are a natural threesome. This is such a fantastic one-liner that it used on t-shirts.


9. Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident.

This play on words is a humorous truism that has you chuckling about a serious problem.

10. Filthy, stinking rich; well, two out of three ain't bad.

Anyone who has labored hard and is always financially strapped will see the humor in this great one-line joke about money.

11. Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting, or has multiple restraining orders against me?

Everyone has loved someone or something that was bad for them; the best one-line jokes often make you laugh by questioning the peculiarities of human love.


12. If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

Who hasn't had days when nothing seems to go right and felt the world had lined up against them? You have to love this one-liner because it humorously expresses your thoughts during those times.

13. The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Older folks are almost always on a hunt, usually for their glasses so they can hunt for something else. Yes, growing old can be as funny as this one-liner.

14. The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

To live is to experience life, and often life seems like the school of hard knocks. You learn from one experience after another, but you never graduate. This is a one-line joke that even those with multiple degrees will find humorous.

Best One Line Jokes