Compatibility of INTJ in Relationships

Published August 5, 2019
Happy couple playing chess

Better understanding your personality traits can steer you towards choices that work best with your natural characteristics. You can use this knowledge to empower your decisions and push yourself towards healthy growth and development within your career and relationships.

INTJ Personality

INTJ stands for introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging in the Myers-Briggs Types. Those with this personality tend to prefer spending time alone than with others, are logical, can be rigid in decision making, enjoy planning, use ideas to form opinions instead of hard facts, and are incredibly inventive, curious, and creative in their thought process.

INTJ in Relationships

Within a relationship, those with INTJ traits tend to prioritize loyalty over affection. They have no problem noting issues within the relationship in a calm, cool, and rational way, but find emotional expression to be challenging and at times unimportant. Those with these traits can also be incredibly supportive of their partner's personal goals and find ways to help them achieve these. In terms of love languages, those with the INTJ traits tend to show love through their actions instead of through emotional connection. This could mean fixing something, building something, or coming up with solutions.

INTJ and Commitment

Those with these traits have no problem with commitment as it is a straightforward concept. As a partner and parent those with the INTJ traits are enthusiastic, consistent, and passionate about learning. Commitment is not typically an issue with those who have these traits, although they may be shy or nervous when asking someone out for the first time.

Dating Strengths

Regardless of gender, within a relationship, people with INTJ traits are committed, caring, and thoughtful through their actions. While they typically will not be overly expressive with their emotions, they show their love through doing helpful tasks, solving problems, and supporting their partner's endeavors. They also give their partner the space to be themselves and enjoy their own, independent journey.

Difficulties in Relationships and Communication Style

Within relationships, emotional expression can be the most challenging bit for those with INTJ traits. Seen as a little too messy and disorganized those with INTJ traits prefer to show affection and love through action, instead of having heart-to-hearts, and a ton of physical affection. When issues or conflict arises in relationships those with these traits may be seen as detached, and a little too straightforward with criticisms or remarks about their partner.

Compatible Partners

Many personality types can work well with someone who has INTJ traits. There are a few that can work especially well. These include:

  • ISTJ: Those with ISTJ traits are calm, smart, straightforward, and organized. Those with ISTJ traits communicate in a similar way as those with INTJ traits. Both value putting hard work into a relationship that can be actionable versus highly emotional, making them a great fit for each other.
  • ISTP: Those with ISTP traits tend to be flexible instead of rigid, use facts and logic to formulate thoughts and decisions, and are naturally introverted. Like those with INTJ traits, people with ISTP characteristics enjoy their independence, don't focus heavily on emotional understanding, and prefer to use actionable behaviors to show their love.
  • ESTJ: Those with ESTJ traits tend to be sociable, make decisions based on fact and logic, and prefer to be organized instead of flexible. Those with these traits can make for great partners for those with INTJ traits because the way they process information is quite similar. Although their sociability styles are different, this can create a great opportunity for growth within the relationship.
Couple Hold Hands Walking

Date Ideas

Great date ideas for INTJ personalities may include doing a thoughtful, actionable activity where they can get to know their potential partner in a less intense social setting. This can include playing a strategy based game, playing mini golf, doing an escape room challenge, or building something together.

Least Compatible Partners

Partners who are least compatible on paper offer the most opportunities for growth in terms of insight, self-awareness, and emotional understanding. Some personalities that offer this include:

  • ESFP: Those with these traits like to be the center of attention, enjoy having fun, and like to engage with others around them. Although starkly different from those with INTJ traits, those with ESFP traits can encourage more sociability and adventurism. Both personalities tend to avoid discussions about feelings and prefer to show their love with actionable tasks.
  • ISFP: Those with ISFP traits tend to be introverted, make choices based on facts and feelings, and who are go-with-the-flow instead of rigid. Their flexible nature, as well as their propensity to make decisions based on gut feelings can be difficult to understand for those with INTJ traits.

Overcoming Relationship Challenges

Those with INTJ traits tend to communicate in a straightforward and logical way. Because emotions usually don't play a large part in their communication style, those with their traits should be mindful of their partner's potential interpretation of their remarks. Seen as detached at times, those with these traits have to work hard to communicate their emotions and understand their partner's point of view especially in emotionally charged situations. This can be done by fostering their empathic aspects of their personality which includes asking their partner thoughtful questions about their emotional process and asking what their partner needs from them to feel understood.

Understanding Your Needs

While exploring your personality can help you establish your relational needs, keep in mind that even partners who are not compatible on paper may still be able to make their relationship work. Diving into your personality traits can help you foster growth in areas that may feel outside of your comfort zone while simultaneously understanding your strengths and nurturing their development.

Compatibility of INTJ in Relationships