Compatibility With ESTJ in Relationships

Published July 17, 2019
Young couple wrapped up warmly and hiking on a mountain trail together

The Myers-Briggs personality test can help you better understand yourself, what makes you tick, as well as the ideal career and relationship moves to make. If you identify as a person with ESTJ traits, it can be helpful to take a deeper look at which types of partners and relationships work best for your natural personality characteristics.

ESTJ Personality Traits

ESTJ stands for extraverted, sensing, thinking and judging. Someone with these traits tends to prefer to spend time with others instead of being alone, makes inferences based on logic and facts, and prefers to plan instead of being more go with the flow.

ESTJ in Relationships

Within a relationship, those with ESTJ traits enjoy being in charge, organizing, and following traditions. They feel the most comfortable in a stable, rule oriented home where routines are followed and authority is respected. As a partner they are usually dependable, loyal, honest, and outspoken.

Commitment and Dating

Those with ESTJ traits do not find commitment challenging and can be incredibly loyal and dependable partners who value the consistency of long-term relationships and the traditions of marriage. Regardless of gender, those with ESTJ traits tend to be outspoken when it comes to dating, and feel comfortable showing romantic interest in others with a take charge attitude.

Couple hugging along Seine River

Relationship Strengths

Within a relationship those with ESTJ traits are extremely dependable and trustworthy. If there is a task that needs to be completed or tackled, they are there to do so in an organized, efficient way. Family values and traditions may reign supreme making for a structured home with schedules and plans for the future laid out. Those with these traits enjoy showing their partner love through actionable tasks instead of having deep, emotional conversations.

Communication Style

Those with ESTJ traits tend to communicate in a straightforward and logical way. At times this may come across as aggressive or controlling to some. Although, this can bode extremely well for them in the workplace, making them excellent managers, bosses, and leaders who have a clear, direct tone.

Room for Improvement in Relationships

Because there may be a tendency to schedule and plan for others, some partners may read this as controlling or overbearing. Those with ESTJ traits have such a natural tendency to plan and organize that some partners may see this as a bit too scheduled and rigid. This can be remedied by checking in with their partner regarding plans and asking if they'd like to contribute to the schedule instead of assuming the leadership role. Those with these traits also have a tendency to glaze over emotions which may feel dismissive to their partners. This can be resolved by seeing the importance of emotions when it comes to fully understanding a situation and using the information to prepare for future conversations.

Couple holding hands reconciled after fight

Overcoming Relational Obstacles

Although emotional conversations may feel tedious or unimportant, they can help foster a healthy, loving relationship. Practice checking in with your own emotional process a bit more and with time your comfort level with feelings will increase. This can positively impact your relationship and help you better understand yourself and your partner.

Compatible Partners

Compatible partners tend to think and interpret the world in similar ways. This makes it easier for the couple to communicate and understand each other. Some compatible partners include:

  • ISTJ: Someone with ISTJ traits is very similar to someone with ESTJ traits except for preferring to spend time alone versus with others. These two personality types can make for a great match because they digest information in very similar ways, prefer to be planned, and opt for logic. They also enjoy traditions, and can be very dependable partners.
  • ENTJ: Those with ENTJ traits prefer to be planned, enjoy organizing, have great leadership skills, and enjoy being around others instead of being alone. Their only difference from those with ESTJ traits is that they prefer to focus on concepts instead of facts making them quite innovative. Both personalities don't love focusing on emotions and have a straightforward way of communicating making them a good potential match.
  • ISTP: Those with ISTP traits can be go with the flow, prefer to spend time alone than with others, and makes decisions based on facts and logic. This could be a good potential match for someone with ESTJ traits because they both value coming up with practical, actionable solutions, and don't focus too heavily on emotional understanding.

Date Ideas

Those with ESTJ traits are energized by time spent with others. Date ideas can range from anything outdoors, to a more competitive or organized setting where their take charge attitude can thrive.

Young Couple Riding On A Motorbike

Potentially Challenging or Incompatible Partners

Partners who are incompatible on paper offer the biggest opportunities for personal and relational growth. This may feel challenging at first, but can lead to incredible relationships. Some more challenging partners include:

  • INFP: Those with INFP traits prefer to spend time alone, make decisions based on their gut feelings and concepts, and are go with the flow. These traits may create some discomfort for someone with ESTJ traits as rules, schedules, and traditions are important aspects of their natural characteristics. This type of relationship offers the opportunity for growth for both partners who have many of the dominant traits that the other does not. People with INFP traits are also empathic and enjoy forging their own creative way.
  • INTP: Those with INTP traits are introverted, make decisions based on logic and concepts, and are naturally go with the flow. They can also be highly analytical and abstract getting lost in their own thoughts about the universe. This may be a challenging personality for someone with ESTJ traits who prefers to be organized and traditional, although that's not to say that this couldn't work out successfully.

Getting to Know Yourself

Better understanding your Meyer-Briggs personality traits can help you steer towards opportunities that work best with your natural tendencies. This can also assist you in challenging yourself to grow in your relationships, at home, and at work.

Compatibility With ESTJ in Relationships