49 Pirate Jokes That Are Abso-loot-ly Hilarious

You can't come up with witty pirate jokes? Knot on our watch!

Published April 20, 2023
boys playing pirates

Shiver me timbers! For those folks who are pillaging for pirate jokes, we have searched the high seas and found some abso-loot-ly hilarious options that will blow any man down with laughter!

Oar-spiring Pirate Jokes That'll Be a Hit at Any P-ARRR-ty

Ahoy me hearties! Don't hang the jib! We have some jolly jests that will have even the roughest seadogs snickering with joy.

Little boy playing with binoculars

Why do pirates have the best abs?

Because they love planking!

Did you know that Santa Claus was a pirate in a past life?

Yo, ho, ho, ho...

Where do pirates go to get the best deals on their hooks?

At the secondhand store!

How does a captain feel when you take the 'P' out of pirate?

He becomes irate!

What did the pirate say when he briefly switched careers and became a lumberjack in Canada?

Shiver me timbers! I am not cut out for this cold!

Did Captain Jack Sparrow pay a lot for the Black Pearl?

No, he bought it on sail!

How much did the pirate pay for the corn on the cob that he brought to the plunder party?

A buck-an-ear.

Why did the civilian join the pirate crew?

Pier pressure!

Are pirates hard workers?

Sword of....actually, not really. They are kind of free-looters.

Why are pirates so selfish?

All they Caribbean about is finding treasure!

What is a pirate's favorite place to visit when on a voyage?


Why do retired pirates take up meditation?

Because they are now ex-sailers!

Why do pirates love Beyoncé?

Because she is the queen of Arrr and B!

Bluebeard was in battle on the Red Sea and fell overboard.

He was marooned!

Do you know how much a hook and a peg costs a pirate?

An arm and a leg!

More Ship-tacular Pirate Jokes That'll Have You Shouting Yo Ho Ho!

Get ready to sing a Chantey! We have a loot more pirate jokes sailing your way!

Boy dressed up as pirate

Why do pirates admire Picasso?

Because they love good arrr-t!

Why are baboons a pirate's favorite monkey sidekick?

Because they always have a lot of booty!

When is it most likely that pirates will plunder?

At the kraken of dawn!

What sport does a pirate hate the very most?

Golf! They always seem to hook the ball.

What is a buccaneer?

An extremely high price for corn!

Why do pirates make the worst blackjack dealers?

Because they are always standing on the deck!

What did Blackbeard shout when his parrot escaped in the Bermuda triangle?

Avast! The polly-gone!

Captain Jack Sparrow entered into an epic battle with Napoleon in the Mediterranean Sea. It ended with Napoleon's ship getting hit by cannon fire.

Sadly, Napoleon was blown-apart.

Pirate weathermen are so dramatic when winter weather heads our way.

They always yell 'thar she snows!'

Why do pirates love to be at sea?

Because they are aqua-holics.

Why will a pirate always win a staring contest?

Because they're experts in aye to aye combat!

Did you hear about the guy who lost his leg and thought he could become a pirate?

It didn't work out. He had a square peg and they need someone to fill a round hole.

Why does it always take longer for things to get done on a ghost ship?

They only have a skeleton crew!

Blackbeard celebrated his 79th birthday last year.

This year, he arrived at the party and shouted "Aye matey!"

Plunder-ful Pirate Puns About Little Mateys On the Crew

Don't forget pirate jokes and puns that the scallywags on deck can relate to! These whale-sized witticisms are sure to save you from walking the plank!

Boy dressed as a pirate with cartoon ship

Young Blackbeard is struggling with learning the alphabet.

He always seems to get lost at 'C'.

What is young Blackbeard's favorite dessert?

Ship's Ahoy!

Why do tween pirates not like to go camping in the woods?

The scurvy stories give them nightmares!

Young Blackbeard was sailing through the Arctic sea and crashed his father's ship.

He was a nervous wreck.

Why do pirates like chemistry class?

Because they get to study arrr-senic and gold!

The pirate couple just gave birth to twins!

I feel like I am seeing doubloons!

Did you know ghost pirates refuse to tell their kids bedtime stories?

Turns out dead men tell no tales…

What is a pirate's favorite subject in high school?

Algebra! Half the lessons are about finding X!

Did you hear about the pirate who worked hard to get his grades up?

He managed to sail into the high Cs!

Once pirates lose their hands, their school attendance drops drastically.

They suddenly start playing hooky!

How does a teen pirate reach his girlfriend when away at sea?

He calls her on his aye phone!

What is a parrot's favorite game to play with his little scallywag?

Hide and speak!

Pirate One-Liners That are Quite Clipper

Searching the Seven Seas for the perfect social caption? Don't abandon ship! We have the treasure you seek.

Children playing pirates roleplay game at home
  • I like big booty and I cannot lie!
  • Hooked on treasure hunting.
  • The idea of pirate ghost ships haunting the high seas is quite the consipra-sea!
  • All swashbuckled up with no place to go...
  • When it comes to a good deal, I am like a pirate. I always buy things on sail!
  • Golfing like a pirate today. #AlwaysUnderParrr
  • Don't be like a pirate and fall prey to pier pressure...
  • Needing some arrr and arr time with my crew.

Pirate Jokes and Puns to Fill Your Galley With Giggles

Blimey! That was enough jokes sink a pirate ship! If you're looking for some more salty quips, consider walking the plank to find some inspiration under the sea. Fish jokes are always a catch!

49 Pirate Jokes That Are Abso-loot-ly Hilarious